Breaking up is Hard to Do…. (Part 11)

Posted by on Feb 26, 2017 in Depression Counseling

Breaking up is Hard to Do…. (Part 11)

In my previous blog of this series, “breaking up is hard to do”, I discussed the psychological and physiological symptoms of a broken heart. In this concluding blog I will discuss ways to help heal a broken heart and recommendations on how to help avoid further broken hearts.

How you cope with a heartbreak is determined by how you have been raised or nurtured. The pain will take time to heal, and it cannot be avoided. But once you are able to get out of that state of mind, how you move on from there, will be very crucial to your future relationships, especially if this was our first heartbreak. You will most likely never forget the pain of a broken heart.

Tips to help/heal a Broken Heart

Give yourself time to heal. There is no rush. Accept and deal with your pain, your fears, and your heart break on your own terms and in your own time. You have just experienced a traumatic event and it will take time to heal. Don’t let others tell you to “get over it”. Everyone deals with pain differently.

Stop blaming yourself for the breakup, especially if you know you that you did not do anything wrong. If the other person wanted to be with you, they would. You cannot make or force someone else to be with you. That’s their choice. You only have control over yourself.

View the relationship as an outsider. There is a saying that love is blind, it’s a very true saying, for the most part. Now that you have had some time to really think about the relationship, because it’s all you are thinking about anyway. Can you step back and see what has gone wrong or has been going wrong in the relationship over time. What were the “red flags” that you missed of failed to acknowledged. You have to be very honest with yourself.

Learn from the experience. There are always lessons to be learned from every experience that we go through in life and heart breaks are no exception. Ask yourself what am I to learn from this?

Work on yourself. This is a good time to seek professional, pastoral any other kind of help that you can, especially if this has been a pattern for you in the past. What’s possibly happened here can be termed as ” Relationship Insanity”. What this means is that you may have been doing the same things in your past relationships, while expecting different results. This clearly shows a pattern of unhealthy behavior.

Tips on How to avoid a Broken Heart

This can once again go back to the saying ” love is blind”. Think about a time when you saw a family member, or a friend in a relationship that you knew was not good for them, but they couldn’t see it for themselves. Regardless of what you told that individual about their relationship, they always seemed to have an answer or excuse as to why they were in it.

Listen to what your partner is saying. This is very important because as women we tend to miss this step a lot. If your partner tells you he/she doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship, get married, have children, etc. please take what they are saying to heart. They are telling you clearly what they want and don’t want. As women we can sometimes tend to believe that we can change a man’s mind, if he just hangs out with us long enough. If what he is saying does not fit into your value system or priorities, please take note and don’t ignore it.

Look for and acknowledge the “Red Flags”. Do not ignore these warning signs. Most individuals already know what these red flags are, but continue to make excuses for it. Or even deny these clear signs in the relationship, Listen to your instincts and what it is telling you. Please do not ignore your gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right to you, chances are it’s not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away. Many of us are in relationships that are long past their overdue date, but we are hanging in there until he/she leaves. You may be trying your best to be the perfect partner and all of your efforts still seem to be in vain. What you are actually doing, is staying in a “relationship that is expired. It may be time to move on.

Keep your word and stay true to yourself. Once you have put your word out there, you have to stick too it. Once you go back on your word, you have ultimately sabotaged yourself. Once the your partner knows that your words mean absolutely nothing, it will be very hard for you to be taken seriously again. The other person can pretty much do whatever they want, because you have just proven to them, that you cannot keep your word.

Do not give up your power. You should not compromise your values or priorities for anyone. Do not put everything aside to be with someone. Don’t be needy, and totally dependent on someone else to be your all, or your everything. It shouldn’t be all about him/her. Always have things that are yours only. Don’t allow yourself to have nothing, outside of your relationship.

These are just a few tips to help you move along, as you cope with a broken heart. Your goal would be to avoid future broken hearts, but since none of us live in a bubble, keep in mind that a broken can happen again. Hopefully you will be better equipped to handle it, if and when it does happen again.